Some mistakes are easy to forgive! There is another level of hurt that makes it impossible to forgive. Let’s explore the reasons why it is hard to forgive and let go.
Relationships with human beings have and will always be variable; this means that we can expect to experience joy as well as pain and be disappointed.
When we feel disappointed and hurt; however, we find it difficult to forgive, but it is necessary if we are to bring balance to human relationships.
Part of the difficulty with Forgiveness is the subconscious misconceptions we have about it, and I hope that bringing them to light makes it easier for you to forgive.
Forgiveness means weakness
The first subconscious belief system many people have is that; Forgiving makes you weak and tolerant while refusing to forgive makes you strong.
Most people believe that by holding people to guilt, they punish them for their mistakes but the truth is, you only hurt yourself.
Punishment is not strength, forgiveness is because it’s hard.
Nelson Mandela served 27 Years in Prison, for his objection to Apartheid. He was tortured for most of the years he was in prison. When he was released in 1990, his message to the world was Forgiveness.
Why Forgiveness? He had good reasons to be angry and to seek revenge on those who tortured him but instead he chose to forgive.
I think he chose to forgive because it was the strongest thing he could do to make up for 27 years of imprisonment and torture.
It takes a lot of strength for most of us to forgive a person who bumps into us on the street or says something we don’t like, how much more strength would we need to forgive imprisonment and torture of 27 years.
If Nelson Mandela had decided to preach revenge no one would blame him, however, it would have been a sign of weakness on his part because that is what the people responsible for his torture expected of him.
Strength is having every reason to punish but instead chose mercy.
I have overcome this false myth in my own life; I find it easier to hold on to the mistakes of others because Forgiveness feels as though I am letting them get away with hurting me. Forgiveness feels like the weak choice, but it is not, it takes a lot of strength to forgive.
So, when someone hurts you, and you feel like holding on to the pain, remember that Forgiveness is not for the weak it is for the strong. Choose strength!
Forgiveness is About the Other Person
The second misconception is that Forgiveness is doing a favor for the person who has hurt you.
The reason most of us feel righteous when we forgive someone for hurting us is that subconsciously, we think we must forgive others because we are morally superior. We say, look!
Am such a nice person I forgave you for what you did yesterday, I did you a favor.
Forgiving out of moral superiority keeps you in bondage. It is never about the other person; it is always about you.
Your willingness to forgive depends on your desire to live peacefully instead of living with strive and anger.
Studies have found that people who are forgiving tend to be more satisfied with their lives and are less likely to be depressed, anxious, stressed, angry, and hostile.
Consequently, people who are unforgiving and hold on to grudges are susceptible to experience severe depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.
A quick blood sample of an angry person shows physiological changes that temporarily elevate the risk of a heart attack or related problem.
Science has enough evidence to show us that to forgive is in our favor and its benefits are more about our wellbeing than that of the person we forgive. So, let’s forget about morality for now and forgive fundamentally for our wellbeing.
I need the Other to Apologize For me to forgive
It easy to forgive a person who makes a mistake, is remorseful and apologizes.
What do we do when the person who harms us refuses to apologize? You can’t answer this question without asking yourself; would you rather be right or peaceful?
For the person who would rather be peaceful, the strength can come from your own life story. Think of the times you made mistakes, times you wish you had done better but failed; other times you didn’t know any better.
Use these times you fell short as moments of reflection when others fall short.
Just as we can make poor choices, Forgiveness requires us to extend the same compassion to those who harm us.
Sometimes there is no other way; pain becomes so overwhelming that you can’t simply wish it away and forgive. We can only sit in our pain and give it time to heal. At such times it is okay to cry, to talk to the therapist, to meditate or pray.
When it hurts less, move forward and forgive.
Unforgiveness only breeds anger and resentment, and that is no way to live.
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