If we’re not fully living we are dying, similarly, if we are not getting better we are becoming worse. Here are 6 tips to become a better person.
The first thing I will say is; do not strive to be anything. Striving creates feelings of scarcity, of not being enough right now. So, the best way to look at becoming better is, just like a flower needs water soil and an excellent environment to blossom, you too have a specific nature and practices that support you to blossom.
A flower that blossoms blesses the world with its beauty. In the same way, when you blossom, you bless the world with who you are.
Here are a few tips that can support you to blossom and be a better person.
Become a friend to reality
Becoming a friend to reality means becoming a friend to seeing things the way they are. Working against reality can show up as;
- I know I am overweight, but I don’t want to think about it now, maybe next year I’ll start going to the gym (you said the same thing last year).
- I know I am living beyond my means, but I need to buy this outfit.
Working against reality is the worst you can do if you want to be a better person because you will be working against yourself.
Facing reality and becoming a friend to it can be painful, especially if we must look in the mirror and admit something about ourselves, we might not like. But our goal here is to become better, and reality does not care if we like it or not, it just simply is. Reality does not say, if you don’t choose to see me, I don’t exist. It is always there, as it is.
The first step to becoming a better person, become a friend to reality; all growth will stem from here.
Don’t bullshit yourself
We should tell the truth (we all know this even if we still tell white lies). But when it comes to yourself never compromise, here there is no room for white lies, always tell yourself the truth.
When I was overweight, I used to get angry if anyone called me fat; I knew I should lose some weight but expected people not to see it.
After several failed attempts at pretending to do something about it, I decided to tell myself the truth. I looked in the mirror one morning and said to myself; I am fat right now, and I feel ugly.
It would be deceptive to myself if I said, I will change next year because I know I won’t; must make a change today! And I did!
Be Willing to admit and correct Mistakes
Having made friends with reality and you are now committed to truth, admitting mistakes becomes natural because truth gets a higher priority than your belief system.
If your goal is to become better, it means you understand that you cannot be right all the time; all of us make mistakes, and if being right is more important than being a better person, you wouldn’t be reading this. You want to grow; that is why your reading this article.
Next time you make a mistake and feel the need to get defensive, ask yourself, do I want to be right or to grow?
Your answer will determine if you will get defensive or admit and correct your mistakes.
I hope you will choose to grow!
Honor and Accept your emotions
We accept and deny our feelings based on our conditioning. Society, environment, upbringing, religion all contribute to feelings we have categorized as; “to be felt” and “to be suppressed.”
Anger, shame, guilt, jealousy, envy are the most common suppressed emotions, but the problem is that these feelings never go away. Scientific studies are recently showing that people who suppress their emotions are at a higher risk of developing cancer and premature death.
In the short term, it leads to aggression, anxiety, and emotional outburst.
In my experience, if I judge emotions as good, I cling to them or bad, and I suppress them, then I extend this to myself “if I feel envy, then am a bad person.” Letting go of such judgments can be a way to free yourself and honor how you feel.
Honoring your emotions means recognizing they exist and becoming curious about why you have them instead of judging them.
Your emotions are sirens alerting you to your inner self. Pay attention, honor them; it will allow you to move to a deeper level of awareness. What you uncover will help you become a better person.
Don’t play Tyrant with Yourself
Have you ever tried to change? You tell yourself you’re going to start waking up at 4:30 am, and you don’t do it? That is, you, playing tyrant to yourself. It doesn’t work in the long run; if it does, you will be living with a lot of strain because you are continually making demands and punishing yourself with guilt if you don’t do them.
Negotiate with yourself; instead, treat yourself with love, persistence, and kindness like you would to get a child to behave better.
Instead of saying, starting tomorrow am waking up at 4:30 am, negotiate, ask yourself, what do I look forward to in the morning? If it is a cup of coffee, set your alarm 30 minutes earlier than you usually wake up, when you get up, pat yourself on the back and have your coffee.
Continue to move the time you wake up earlier until you get to 4:30 am.
To become a better person, negotiate with yourself instead of playing the tyrant.
Forgive Yourself
You are always going to fall short, there will be times when you know better, but you don’t do better. You will disappoint loved ones, and you’ll disappoint yourself. At such times forgive yourself.
Before I go bed at night, I pull out my journal, and I write the mistakes I made for the day, then I forgive myself for that day. I have times when the list is long, and that is a sign to make amends; there are times when the list is short, for those days am grateful.
Becoming better is a lifelong process, so don’t forget to forgive yourself when you fall short. And you will!
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