You may be suffering from financial trauma without even realizing it. Here are 5 signs that you have financial trauma and steps you can take to heal yourself.
In the past couple of years, I have started over three businesses, and all of them failed.
I still feel shame writing about it.
Anyway, I blamed the failure of the first two on the “kind” of businesses I had started.
But after the third one failed, I knew there was more at play than the kind of business I had chosen to start.
After several months of research and doing a lot of inner work on myself.
I realized that…
The most significant factor underlying my pattern of failure was FINANCIAL TRAUMA.
We typically reserve the term “TRAUMA” for specific circumstances, often the most drastic and despicable we can imagine.
However, this often leads to people not recognizing Trauma when they have it. Especially if the trauma is a result of experiences that are less dramatic compared to what the traditional understanding of trauma is.
And this is even more true for a topic like Financial Trauma.
Most people who have FT have no idea that they have it.
In this article, we will shed light on Financial Trauma.
By the end of it, you will be able to quickly tell if you have it. You’ll discover how it keeps you broke and also get the tools you need to heal from it.
Let’s get started!
What Is Financial Trauma?
Financial Trauma shows up as a dysfunctional reaction to chronic financial stress.
You can get financial trauma from living for at least three months when your income is not enough to meet your expenses.
But the most common way people develop financial trauma is in early childhood.
Having parents who aren’t home because they’re working three jobs is trauma. Not having health needs met is trauma; having food insecurity is trauma.
Living in an environment surrounded by pollution and toxins is trauma.
But that’s not all; people who grow up in wealthy or middle-class homes can also experience financial trauma.
If your parents used money as a tool to control you, that’s trauma.
Not being allowed to openly discuss money can lead to financial trauma.
If the gospel in your household was your self-worth is equal to your net worth, that too is trauma.
Basically, all you need to remember is that if you had an experience in your childhood where things changed and your beliefs about money turned around in a negative way, you probably have Financial Trauma.
Similar to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Financial Trauma keeps you in a cycle of fear and anxiety over money.
Often preventing you from ever feeling successful, safe, or at ease where money is concerned, no matter how much you make.
And in extreme cases, it can also cause a lot of stress and emotional turmoil: irritability, angry outbursts, loneliness, insomnia, nervous energy, jitteriness, and difficulty concentrating.
If this anxiety over money goes unchecked, it can easily be passed down from generation to generation as an unconscious belief system.
Okay…
So we now know there is a “thing” called Financial Trauma, but how can you tell if you have it?
First, you can check to see if you’ve experienced any of these common signs of Financial Trauma.
Signs That You Have Financial Trauma
Avoiding Finances
Are you avoiding the financial stuff?
Do you find yourself not opening your bills?
Not interacting with bookkeeping as a business owner or avoiding any or all conversations around finances because of intense feelings of fear, pain, or insecurity?
If so, you might be suffering from financial Trauma.
According to Chantel Chapman, avoiding your finances is connected to the trauma response of flight or freeze, although in this case, avoiding your bills is more of a “freeze” than flight.
And at its intense level, dissociation.
If you continue to avoid your finances, you will stay broke.
Lack of Boundaries Around Money
A lack of boundaries around money can show up as fawning or people-pleasing.
How do you know if you’re a “financial people pleaser”?
You probably do some of the following;
- Undercharge.
- Pay for things for your friends and family when you can’t afford them.
- Not negotiating raises for yourself.
- Not being able to create boundaries in contract negotiations. etc…
While it can be uncomfortable for anyone to navigate money conversations, a repeated lack of boundaries around finances can mean that maybe some trauma is present that is stopping you from standing in your power and advocating for what you need in that relationship.
Underspending
Are you afraid of spending, even when the money is available?
If so, you may need to revisit your past. This is important, especially if you’ve had childhood experiences where money was really tight.
As a result, you may have become afraid of money running out, and so even as an adult, you still live with the same fear and trepidation.
Furthermore, you might also be hyper-vigilant about the money you already have, always on guard for bad news and waiting on the shoe to drop.
Or worse, constantly live in fear of losing it all.
Psychologists call this “excessive risk aversion,” which can be correlated to mindsets of fear and scarcity around money.
If it goes unchecked, it can keep you in a state of fear, stress, and anxiety for a lifetime.
Overspending / Compulsive Spending
If you spend too much money on eating out, splurge on major purchases with money you don’t have, or spend way too much on maladaptive coping mechanisms like cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, and other wants.
You may be dealing with unresolved financial trauma.
Most people who compulsively spend were witness to poor money management in their families and are likely to emulate those strategies as adults.
Consequently, compulsive spending not only increases your financial stress but also increases feelings of guilt and shame around money.
If you stay in these negative states too long, flight, fight, or freeze becomes your default brain which ends up impacting decision-making around money leading to problems in managing your finances.
Feelings of Shame and Unworthiness Around Money
Of all financial trauma symptoms, feelings of shame and unworthiness are the most pervasive.
You can identify them based on how you think, behave, and react to financial situations.
For example;
- You may notice that you get anxious or angry in response to a simple conversation about budgeting with a partner or friend.
- You may feel that no matter how hard you try, you’re never going to be enough, do enough, or have enough money.
- You may notice that you get uneasy when you are around someone you perceive as having more money than you and an ego boost around people you perceive as having less than you.
Everyone is different, so your feelings of shame and unworthiness around money might show up differently.
What you want to do, is to really pay attention to your emotions and reactions around money to uncover the unconscious beliefs that might be the source of shame or unworthiness.
Then work towards healing.
Remember…
Financial Trauma is like all other forms of Trauma – it needs to be brought into the light and given time and space.
It needs to be unpicked, challenged and soothed.
And It’s going to take a lot of work.
The good news is that there are some things you can do to speed up the healing process.
How To Heal Yourself From Financial Trauma
When it comes to resolving financial Trauma, you need to work on two basic things.
- The first set will be the emotional, mental, and physical problems that happen with financial Trauma.
- The second is the mechanical financial problems causing all the financial trauma symptoms.
Most of us already know that for a long-term change in our financial status to occur, we need to either make more money or spend less—that’s it.
Sounds simple enough, right?
In reality, not always.
Changing how much you earn or spend takes an incredible amount of self-discipline, a healthy sense of self-worth, and the ability to concentrate on your goal.
All of which are hindered by the excessive emotions of fear and anxiety experienced by someone with financial Trauma.
And if this is the case for you, I strongly encourage you to first work on the emotional and mental issues before trying to reshape your relationship with money.
Once you learn how to control the negative emotions and mental problems, you will feel calm and relaxed.
Only then will you have the clarity to tackle the mechanical problems like asking for that raise and getting paid what you’re worth or spending only on the things you value.
The following are financial healing strategies to recover from the mental symptoms of financial Trauma.
Practice self-compassion
You can begin by honoring your financial traumas and how they may have impacted you emotionally, spiritually, and financially.
In other words, stop the self-blame and harsh self-judgment.
Forgive yourself and others for any past financial mistakes. You were doing the best that you could with whatever program was passed down to you.
And so were others.
Put the shame and unhappiness that often accompanies financial struggle behind you. It’s past, and we can’t change it.
The only thing we can do is look at it as an opportunity to learn, grow, and foster wisdom, strength, and resilience.
Unplug from Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt
Practice cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) exercises such as Negative thought stopping, journaling, and progressive muscle relaxation to set financial fears and anxieties aside.
Then restructure these fear-based thoughts into constructive and affirming messages or thoughts that will act as a foundation for financial success.
Embrace your worth
The reality about financial well-being is that you can only create lasting change in your net worth by having a healthy and robust sense of self.
Remember, your financial struggles are HOW you are, not WHO you are. You are not your job title, bank account, or debt.
You are your own beautiful and unique spirit with unique gifts and talents to offer the world.
Connect with your deepest and highest self through mindfulness practices such as meditation, deep breathing, and yoga to separate from your ego (your mind’s understanding of who you are).
By doing so, you will discover you deserve financial peace and prosperity. Which will allow you to put yourself out in the world with more confidence, courage, and assertiveness.
Make a Shift from a Scarcity Mindset to Abundant Thinking
Financial Trauma can make us focus on what we lack and anxious about not having enough. So we get trapped in the rat race aggressively competing for resources, such as jobs or opportunities.
A scarcity mindset also breeds fear, which is never a suitable mode of operation.
Instead, you want to cultivate abundant thinking by confronting self-limiting beliefs like “I could never do that” or “This is the best it’s ever going to get.”
An abundance mindset allows us to see there are enough resources and opportunities for all of us.
It sees possibilities instead of roadblocks and encourages creativity, openness, collaboration, expansion, and growth.
Seek Support
Getting social support helps change the stress reactivity that creates FT.
Being open about your fears and discussing them can also help remind you that most people go through financial hardship at some point in their lives.
Remember, everyone has to deal with the same potential issues, and your worries are likely more universal than you think.
If the stress and panic are taking a significant toll on your life, consult with a mental health professional who can help you work through strategies to get past it.
If you have any questions, please leave us a comment below.
xo.
Cheers!